Fair Part Five
Every year we see kids wandering around the Fair in cute little orange Home Depot shop aprons, carting little woodcraft projects they've made at the Depot's booth. This year I figured Emma was old enough to hit things with a hammer, and we went.The line was long, but there was a canopy over most of it, which was a good thing since it was drizzling steadily. Near the end of the line was a board with about a half-dozen examples of what Emma could build. She'd had her heart set on building a birdhouse, but then she discovered that she could have something far more exciting: a periscope. Birds can build their own homes; they've been doing it for millions of years. But every kid needs a periscope.
Despite its length, the line moved quickly, and we soon found ourselves in a tent around back of the Depot's booth. The perimeter of the tent was lined with folding cafeteria tables; in the center was a huge mass of cardboard cartons filled with project kits. The advantage of going to the Fair on opening day: nobody's run out of anything yet. Emma was assigned to Randy, one of the many people "coaching" kids through their exciting project-building experience. I suspect that few, if any, of these coaches were actual Home Depot employees, since (a) their aprons weren't orange, and (b) Randy, for one, was a total incompetent.
A Home Depot periscope kit includes six pieces of wood and two mirrors. The wood is all cut to size, and slots cut for the mirror; all the kid has to do is put it together using brads and a tackhammer. Each kit has instructions in it, which Randy obviously knew about and obviously was uninterested in.
Randy lined up the boards for Emma and started brads for her; Emma tapped lightly on each one for a while, after which Randy would impatiently take back the hammer and whack the brad in. After six brads had attached the back of the periscope securely to the sides, Randy flipped the periscope over, looked perplexed, and then started prying the back off. He'd set it up for Emma wrong.
Then, after detaching the back, Randy nailed the back on properly, bending over two brads in the process. He then nailed on the front as well; clearly Randy was getting paid by the periscope, not by the hour. He slid the mirrors into place; then he slid them back out because he'd forgotten to take off the protective plastic. Finally he let Emma tap on the last four brads.
Emma's a sensitive kid, but none of this seemed to bother her. She had her eyes on the prize; how she got it wasn't really important. Now she owns a periscope. Next year, she's building a torpedo; until then, I think we're reasonably safe.
arsi is giving me crap for not bringing a camera to the Fair. Here's the next-best thing. Click here for an incredibly lifelike simulation of the Home Depot booth. Note: none of these people is Emma, none of them is me, and most likely none of them is Randy.
posted by MeanMrMustard @ 12:52 PM
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