I Feel Safe -- How About You?
BOSTON Jun 7, 2005 — On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres. Then they let him into the United States.
The following day, a gruesome scene was discovered in Despres' hometown of Minto, New Brunswick: The decapitated body of a 74-year-old country musician named Frederick Fulton was found on Fulton's kitchen floor. His head was in a pillowcase under a kitchen table. His common-law wife was discovered stabbed to death in a bedroom.Oh, wait. It's okay. He's Canadian.
Since 9/11, of course, we're making it painfully difficult for doctors, engineers and the like to get into the country. Because, you know, they're Muslim -- they must be terrorists. And even if they're not terrorists, they're, you know, Muslim. Ew.
And we're building a wall between us and Mexico to keep out those people who mow our lawns and cook our food.
But crazy blood-soaked Canucks? Well, you know, the NHL season was cancelled; we've got to make allowances for the occasional multiple homicide. Come on down!
(For purposes of full disclosure, I love Canadians, even the homicidal ones.)
posted by MeanMrMustard @ 5:50 AM
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